I have been dreading this letter for awhile. But as circumstances look at this moment, Dave will undoubtedly need dialysis very soon. His kidney function continues to get worse. The biggest issue is finding out for sure that the Wegener’s is in remission. This would allow us to proceed with the kidney transplant, as well. His Nephrologist thinks the disease is in remission. This based on his other lab work vales that don’t seem to be deteriorating. How vague is that? He’ll see the Rheumatologist in a couple weeks. There doesn’t appear to be any need to debate the need for dialysis. A value is a value. It stinks! People can live a long, full life on dialysis. But we HAVE to get this disease in a remission state before proceeding with other life saving treatment.
Many of you who are my friends know that I have a tendency to hold too much in. Strong on the outside and falling apart on the inside? Well, the other night I had what Beth Moore calls a “pit moment". I was yelling at God (I have never yelled at God) and sobbing; just a complete mess! “Where is the glory in all of this for you?” I yelled. “Why???????” It brought me to my knees in a complete moment of weakness. Totally uncharacteristic of the Lisa so many of you know. But it was in that moment that God revealed to me that I was right….I can’t take anymore. But He can. In my weakness He is glorified! I am so scared right now. I am not strong in any imaginable way. I can’t see the future, and I hate that Dave is going through all of this NOW. I hate how our lives as a young married couple have changed so drastically (is it ok to say young at 40??)! All I know, for sure, is that somehow we will be OK. I have no idea how God is going to get us through this, but He will. It’s not really my problem to worry about (Ok…I’m still working on that one, give me a break)! But I know that I’m not supposed to worry about it.
I’m going to start researching the BEST places for kidney transplants. Plus looking into the pros and cons of getting a second biopsy. From what I have researched, it will show if there is active disease. If there is active disease, our plans will have to change a bit. It will be a while to get everything lined up. Once the dialysis begins, we are also praying that maybe it will clean his system to the point of making full renal recovery possible. While statistically that is a remote possibility, all things are possible with God.
Please continue your prayers. I know all of this is really, really scary for Dave. Pray for my boys, too. All of this has been hard on them. David (my oldest) is especially worried about his dad. Being that he’s only 9, we try to keep all the scary stuff away from him, but he still knows dad isn’t well, yet.
Thanks for the prayers!