No word yet as to the biopsy results. We knew that it would most likely be late in the week before we heard anything, but we are both a little anxious.
Maybe it’s my Catholic schooling and I still have the embedded need to confess. Maybe I’m just someone who needs to be heard. Either way I wanted to share something that I hope might help others going through difficult times
I have been going through a really confusing time, lately, thinking about the unfairness of Dave having to go through all of this. Ok, the unfairness of me having to go through all of this, too. If you have known me a while, you know that I am essentially a good person. Not without many, many character flaws...but a pretty good person. Sometimes, boringly so.
Well, I sat here the other day and just got really mad at God. Like, “Hey God…I’ve been faithful and righteous and all that stuff. I’ve helped the poor, and I’ve told people about you, and I go to church and I read the Bible, and I try to live my life as an example of Christ’s love. So…why? Why have you turned your back on Dave, and in turn made my life so hard?....” It went on, but just know it never got any deeper than “woe is me.”
What a whiney brat, huh? Well, I was. I was acting the exact way a teenager acts when they get mad at their mom or dad. I was acting like a little, spoiled brat, and what’s worse is I knew it! But I kept going, anyway.
The thoughts ran wild. Like, I never did drugs or fooled around or stole anything. Now, admittedly, I labeled these things, in my mind, as “fun stuff”. Poor Lisa never had an ounce of “fun”. God is punishing ME and Dave…and yet I (“we” but mostly “I”) don’t deserve it. (Appalling behavior, isn’t it?)
The rest of the day pretty much sucked. Then I had lunch with my mom. She listened to my rants, and held my hand, and didn’t judge me. Thank God for our moms! She also said something that I remember her saying when I was little. She said, “No matter how hard things are in our life, there is always someone, somewhere going through even harder times.” Then it hit me. She was right. I have a friend who is a caretaker to her mom, as she goes through breast cancer treatments. Going through the chemo and losing her long, beautiful hair. Not even knowing IF at the end of all the treatments her mom will pull through. We have a friend who just lost a loved one through suicide. The utter despair that he must be going through. It makes our little problems pale in comparison.
After I sincerely asked for forgiveness, I emphatically thanked God for all His blessings. That through this entire ordeal, Dave is improving. He has the real opportunity to remedy his health problems through a kidney transplant. He CAN go to dialysis, and then live a mostly normal life until the transplant. He isn’t dying! We are praying that the biopsy confirms his remission. But all the doctors seem sure of that. He has no lung or heart involvement…that’s such a blessing. As for me…I have my health. I have the love of a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids. I am truly blessed. I’m tired….no doubt, but I am blessed!
The very next day I received a beautiful card from a friend of a friend of a friend. Someone, from across the country, who has been praying for Dave and our entire family. Her words were so thoughtful and encouraging. She said that God has NOT left our side. He is here with us. She said that our emails have encouraged her and strengthened her faith. She said that our testimony, when all of this is over, will be what God uses to bring others closer to Him.
What amazes me is that God knew that I was going to have this meltdown, and then knew the timing of her letter would be perfect! How awesome is that? That letter was like a “burning bush”….a validation that God is God…He loves me inspite of myself, and knows that I needed encouragement at that very moment in time.
I guess part of that testimony my new friend wrote about has to include the hard days; when we are angry with God, and then are allowed to see with new eyes, how very much He has blessed us. I guess that’s why God doesn’t just smack me down (which I totally deserved) when I start acting like a spoiled brat. It’s all part of growing in Christ. And growing is painful sometimes.
Thank you, my friends, for letting me share a very bad day with you. It turned out Ok. I grew in the knowledge, once again, that God IS here. He DOES listen. That He loves me inspite of my foolish behavior, and is here to comfort me when I come back to my senses!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Toxic Toys???
Those words should never be uttered together…ever! As a parent I am angry that the toy industry allowed this to happen. As a consumer I am angry that a few cents appear to be more valuable than a child’s health and wellness. I am just plain angry! This should not have happened. Not here.
In an age where more and more children are being diagnosed with neurological disorders than ever before, I am convinced that there is something, probably fixable, that is causing this to happen. I wonder if chewing on some lead-based paint might have caused some of these conditions to manifest in our children.
There has been a strong belief among several educated people, not affiliated with the pharmaceutical industry, that mercury found in our children’s immunizations could have had an adverse effect on neurological development. There should be a study on the ever increasing amount of lead being digested by our toddlers!
The toy industry will have to earn my trust again. I’m fortunate in that my kids are past the “oral” stages of putting everything in their mouths. But chances are very high that this has been going on for a long time. So, it’s a real probability that my kids chewed on their share of lead, too.
We need guarantees that the toys our children play with are safe. In every way! Until then, maybe moms should go back to giving their little ones wooden spoons, Tupperware and pots and pans to play with. At least those items shouldn’t adversely affect brain development. Let the toy industry feel the pain in what appears to be the only place that matters....their bottom line.
In an age where more and more children are being diagnosed with neurological disorders than ever before, I am convinced that there is something, probably fixable, that is causing this to happen. I wonder if chewing on some lead-based paint might have caused some of these conditions to manifest in our children.
There has been a strong belief among several educated people, not affiliated with the pharmaceutical industry, that mercury found in our children’s immunizations could have had an adverse effect on neurological development. There should be a study on the ever increasing amount of lead being digested by our toddlers!
The toy industry will have to earn my trust again. I’m fortunate in that my kids are past the “oral” stages of putting everything in their mouths. But chances are very high that this has been going on for a long time. So, it’s a real probability that my kids chewed on their share of lead, too.
We need guarantees that the toys our children play with are safe. In every way! Until then, maybe moms should go back to giving their little ones wooden spoons, Tupperware and pots and pans to play with. At least those items shouldn’t adversely affect brain development. Let the toy industry feel the pain in what appears to be the only place that matters....their bottom line.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Update on Dave
We just got word that Dave is scheduled for another kidney biopsy, next Friday, September 7. Please keep him in your prayers.
We have to leave it in God’s hands now more than ever…we don’t even know what to pray for this time around! If they find more disease, he will have to go back on chemo. But he will also have another shot at getting his own kidneys to function again. If they find that his kidneys are just too scarred to ever return to normal function, then we will just continue on with the transplant process. Dialysis remains the constant, either way.
Obviously we need prayers that there are no complications with the surgery. It would also be nice to not get anymore surprises, this time around.
The surgery will be at Mission Hospital, and he should be home that night. From our last experience, I think it takes about a week to get pathology reports back.
It’s been a tough road. Thanks for all the prayers and all your calls and emails. Knowing you guys are there is very comforting for both of us!
***A special thank you to our new friends from Illinois! Kim has been so awesome at getting our prayer requests out there! Thanks for the cards, and all your kind words of encouragement!
We have to leave it in God’s hands now more than ever…we don’t even know what to pray for this time around! If they find more disease, he will have to go back on chemo. But he will also have another shot at getting his own kidneys to function again. If they find that his kidneys are just too scarred to ever return to normal function, then we will just continue on with the transplant process. Dialysis remains the constant, either way.
Obviously we need prayers that there are no complications with the surgery. It would also be nice to not get anymore surprises, this time around.
The surgery will be at Mission Hospital, and he should be home that night. From our last experience, I think it takes about a week to get pathology reports back.
It’s been a tough road. Thanks for all the prayers and all your calls and emails. Knowing you guys are there is very comforting for both of us!
***A special thank you to our new friends from Illinois! Kim has been so awesome at getting our prayer requests out there! Thanks for the cards, and all your kind words of encouragement!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Got Kidney?
We just got back from UCLA’s kidney transplant orientation. I somehow feel like a little kid on an Easter egg hunt, all of a sudden!
They told us that the average wait for a kidney is 5 – 7 years! There are about 80,000 people in the nation waiting for organs. Neither of us can imagine Dave having to go through dialysis, 3 times a week, for another 5 years. So I am really hoping that I can be his match. My brother is also offering to be a donor, and will be tested when he comes back to California.
We will be meeting with the transplant team in a few weeks, and then be given our own nurse coordinator. I guess we’ll begin testing at that point. It will also be nice to have someone I can bounce stuff around with.
As for the process of being a donor or finding a donor, it’s sort of comical. They told us not to offer to pay anyone for a kidney (like we were going to take an ad out in the paper). Ok, I guess I could see how offering someone a little “bonus” might influence his/her decision to donate. Although, “altruistic” measures of finding a donor are “ok”. So, I guess if we happen to run across a person who has always wanted to be a live organ donor, but who doesn’t want or expect compensation, AND who passes the psych part of the evaluation….we’re golden! Have you ever met anyone who has always wanted to donate an organ, and was just looking for the opportunity??? Yeah, me either.
Dave is also going to have a bunch of tests run this week, partly due to the evaluation process. The other reason is checking kidney size, and getting ready for the inevitable biopsy.
Yes, we are still going to pursue a biopsy, since we want to make sure it wasn’t something acute that happened early this year to make his kidney function go crazy. If it’s truly the kidneys that are too scarred to come back, then at least we’ll know. On the other hand, if there is something else we can do to get function back without transplant, we will.
Thanks for all the emails, requesting updates about Dave. I hope this gets you guys up to date.
They told us that the average wait for a kidney is 5 – 7 years! There are about 80,000 people in the nation waiting for organs. Neither of us can imagine Dave having to go through dialysis, 3 times a week, for another 5 years. So I am really hoping that I can be his match. My brother is also offering to be a donor, and will be tested when he comes back to California.
We will be meeting with the transplant team in a few weeks, and then be given our own nurse coordinator. I guess we’ll begin testing at that point. It will also be nice to have someone I can bounce stuff around with.
As for the process of being a donor or finding a donor, it’s sort of comical. They told us not to offer to pay anyone for a kidney (like we were going to take an ad out in the paper). Ok, I guess I could see how offering someone a little “bonus” might influence his/her decision to donate. Although, “altruistic” measures of finding a donor are “ok”. So, I guess if we happen to run across a person who has always wanted to be a live organ donor, but who doesn’t want or expect compensation, AND who passes the psych part of the evaluation….we’re golden! Have you ever met anyone who has always wanted to donate an organ, and was just looking for the opportunity??? Yeah, me either.
Dave is also going to have a bunch of tests run this week, partly due to the evaluation process. The other reason is checking kidney size, and getting ready for the inevitable biopsy.
Yes, we are still going to pursue a biopsy, since we want to make sure it wasn’t something acute that happened early this year to make his kidney function go crazy. If it’s truly the kidneys that are too scarred to come back, then at least we’ll know. On the other hand, if there is something else we can do to get function back without transplant, we will.
Thanks for all the emails, requesting updates about Dave. I hope this gets you guys up to date.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
My Space
My brother, Ric came out for a visit this past week. We loved having him here, and the kids had a ball with Uncle Ric…swimming, playing games, and watching all the movies that most single, 35 yr old men probably wouldn’t have in their own DVD collection! A lot of animation! We saw some CG Penguins, some talking vegetables that taught values, and SpongeBob. Not a Simpson’s episode in sight!! He was such a good sport, nonetheless!
While he was here he told me I should get a My Space account. He showed me his, and how cool it was to keep in touch with friends. Some of his friends looked a little weird…lots of girls in bikinis. I guess that’s ok when you’re single and looking? I haven’t done either in many years, so I guess it’s what’s “normal”? Yeah…ok.
I get this My Space thing up and running. For any of you who know me, you know how completely lame I’m at computer stuff. Ric got all those genes, and I got the ability to look at blood and not pass out. It was an all or nothing thing with us, I guess. Anyway, I have two friends so far….Tom, the My Space guy; who is everyone’s friend, and my brother. After looking a little further it became evident to me that no one that I regularly communicate with has a My Space account! Why is that? Are we too old? Nah, couldn’t be!
After taking mild abuse from Ric for my plain page, and having none of the usual (read: necessary) music playing in the background or video thingy that most people have. I figure out how to add some stuff. I added music from U2. I downloaded what I think is a cool layout for my page, but I guess I didn’t do something right, since it’s still plain and white. Surprise, surprise!
At this point I’m not sure if I’m ready for My Space. I mean, I don’t totally get the benefits of keeping in touch this way, when I have email and even the much more antiquated telephone. Golly, do I sound as ridiculously old as I think ?? Well, I’ll keep my page up, just in case anyone wants to be my “friend”. But no naked people please. No bikini people, either. I have to have some standards!
I think my address is www.myspace.com/lisacstrnad
While he was here he told me I should get a My Space account. He showed me his, and how cool it was to keep in touch with friends. Some of his friends looked a little weird…lots of girls in bikinis. I guess that’s ok when you’re single and looking? I haven’t done either in many years, so I guess it’s what’s “normal”? Yeah…ok.
I get this My Space thing up and running. For any of you who know me, you know how completely lame I’m at computer stuff. Ric got all those genes, and I got the ability to look at blood and not pass out. It was an all or nothing thing with us, I guess. Anyway, I have two friends so far….Tom, the My Space guy; who is everyone’s friend, and my brother. After looking a little further it became evident to me that no one that I regularly communicate with has a My Space account! Why is that? Are we too old? Nah, couldn’t be!
After taking mild abuse from Ric for my plain page, and having none of the usual (read: necessary) music playing in the background or video thingy that most people have. I figure out how to add some stuff. I added music from U2. I downloaded what I think is a cool layout for my page, but I guess I didn’t do something right, since it’s still plain and white. Surprise, surprise!
At this point I’m not sure if I’m ready for My Space. I mean, I don’t totally get the benefits of keeping in touch this way, when I have email and even the much more antiquated telephone. Golly, do I sound as ridiculously old as I think ?? Well, I’ll keep my page up, just in case anyone wants to be my “friend”. But no naked people please. No bikini people, either. I have to have some standards!
I think my address is www.myspace.com/lisacstrnad
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Our strength in Christ...and our beautiful son Joey
In 2 Corinthians Paul speaks about how he begged God to take away his physical pain and suffering, but then how God said to him, “My grace is sufficient. I am strongest when you are weak”.
For me and my family, this year has been so full of struggles, both physically and spiritually. I’ll be honest and say that there are those moments I ask, “why?”. But I know that while God has allowed some suffering to occur in our lives, He has been there, beside us the whole time. I know that when I am at my very lowest and weakest, it IS His strength that somehow gets me through.
I hesitated to post this, since I am prideful about only a couple things in my life…my children being one of those things. As their mother, I consider them both to be highly intelligent, compassionate, loving and probably as perfect as two humans can be. Two wonderful gifts given to me and Dave to raise, instruct and protect until they are old enough to move on. Protect…..
It’s with a heavy heart that Dave and I took Joey to be evaluated for developmental delays, just this past month. Both of us knowing what the diagnosis would probably be, but hoping we were wrong. Not wanting to label our precious child, like society insists on doing these days. But if not one label, then it would be another…maybe a worse label. “problem child”, “under achiever”, etc…
So we went and met with a highly recommended pediatrician. She observed our little one, and just like we had dreaded, he had a rotten morning at home. Making things even worse at the office appointment. Figures! But it was a good evaluation. A morning where she saw him at his worst. Sometimes that’s better for a doctor to see.
We got the diagnosis we feared….Autism. The words still ring in my ears! While it was not a surprise, I felt like someone had grabbed my heart with two hands and ripped it out of my chest. Dave and I felt a deep sense of grieving all weekend. That was then accompanied by tears, then anger, then fatigue. Our precious child....why, him?
But once again, God has given us a mission. For some reason He thinks enough of our parenting skills to bless us with a child who needs a little extra. Once again it is through our sincerest weakness that we are finding strength in Him.
Joey will be fine. He is considered to be "high-functioning", so school will be enhanced with other special therapies to bring him up to where he needs to be developmentally, socially and in language. It will be OK. He is testing well in intelligence thank God. There is no mental deficiency present. We are blessed by that.
Like Paul said….”When I am weak, I am strong”. I get it, now.
For me and my family, this year has been so full of struggles, both physically and spiritually. I’ll be honest and say that there are those moments I ask, “why?”. But I know that while God has allowed some suffering to occur in our lives, He has been there, beside us the whole time. I know that when I am at my very lowest and weakest, it IS His strength that somehow gets me through.
I hesitated to post this, since I am prideful about only a couple things in my life…my children being one of those things. As their mother, I consider them both to be highly intelligent, compassionate, loving and probably as perfect as two humans can be. Two wonderful gifts given to me and Dave to raise, instruct and protect until they are old enough to move on. Protect…..
It’s with a heavy heart that Dave and I took Joey to be evaluated for developmental delays, just this past month. Both of us knowing what the diagnosis would probably be, but hoping we were wrong. Not wanting to label our precious child, like society insists on doing these days. But if not one label, then it would be another…maybe a worse label. “problem child”, “under achiever”, etc…
So we went and met with a highly recommended pediatrician. She observed our little one, and just like we had dreaded, he had a rotten morning at home. Making things even worse at the office appointment. Figures! But it was a good evaluation. A morning where she saw him at his worst. Sometimes that’s better for a doctor to see.
We got the diagnosis we feared….Autism. The words still ring in my ears! While it was not a surprise, I felt like someone had grabbed my heart with two hands and ripped it out of my chest. Dave and I felt a deep sense of grieving all weekend. That was then accompanied by tears, then anger, then fatigue. Our precious child....why, him?
But once again, God has given us a mission. For some reason He thinks enough of our parenting skills to bless us with a child who needs a little extra. Once again it is through our sincerest weakness that we are finding strength in Him.
Joey will be fine. He is considered to be "high-functioning", so school will be enhanced with other special therapies to bring him up to where he needs to be developmentally, socially and in language. It will be OK. He is testing well in intelligence thank God. There is no mental deficiency present. We are blessed by that.
Like Paul said….”When I am weak, I am strong”. I get it, now.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Fish Fest 2007
I had such a fun day yesterday at the Fish Fest, out here in Irvine. I worked with the people from Big Idea (VeggieTales), getting the word out about the upcoming Pirate Movie, and then taking the characters around the park, so the kids could meet their favorite veggies up close and personal. I just love watching little faces light up when they first see a bigger than life Larry or Mr. Lunt! Hugs and pictures, and lots of happy faces. It was a good day for everyone!
It was also HOT. Ok, by California standards, it was hot. Friends from Arizona or Las Vegas needn't reply...I know I'm a whimp. :) I was with some guys from Nashville who were laughing at my idea of humidity! (But for all my local, fellow-whimpy friends...it was pretty steamy.)
Dave's been doing really well. He looks so great, again. We are still very hopeful that some dialysis might help his kidney function come back. His numbers seem to be improving, so you never know. Personally, I am just enjoying having my husband back. He was so sick for so long. We both feel extrememly blessed with the outcome, so far. God has truly allowed us a glimpse of what someone with a life threatening disease goes through. Our empathy for others will forever be greater.
I'm trying to plan a party to celebrate Dave's remission, but he wants to do something for my 40th b-day. So, we may have a big party celebrating both. Whatever we do we'll have all you guys over, lots of food and the usual karaoke torture!
Ok, I'm off to the pool! Have a great week!
It was also HOT. Ok, by California standards, it was hot. Friends from Arizona or Las Vegas needn't reply...I know I'm a whimp. :) I was with some guys from Nashville who were laughing at my idea of humidity! (But for all my local, fellow-whimpy friends...it was pretty steamy.)
Dave's been doing really well. He looks so great, again. We are still very hopeful that some dialysis might help his kidney function come back. His numbers seem to be improving, so you never know. Personally, I am just enjoying having my husband back. He was so sick for so long. We both feel extrememly blessed with the outcome, so far. God has truly allowed us a glimpse of what someone with a life threatening disease goes through. Our empathy for others will forever be greater.
I'm trying to plan a party to celebrate Dave's remission, but he wants to do something for my 40th b-day. So, we may have a big party celebrating both. Whatever we do we'll have all you guys over, lots of food and the usual karaoke torture!
Ok, I'm off to the pool! Have a great week!
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